Shay Bintliff, MD
No political rants this week (the editor usually edits them out)…but i think all you parents should know that our weak economy as taken a toll on the Tooth Fairy. The average value of a tooth has fallen from $5.00 to $4.25! Now, explain that one to your children.
Speaking of which, little student Glen was approached by his teacher who ask, “Glen, why do you always get so dirty?” He replied, “Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you.”
There were two guys working for the county (and no, I’m not saying where!) One would dig a hole…he would dig, dig, dig. The other chap would come behind him and fill the hole..fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the curb and could not believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask them. He says to the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!” The hole digger replies, “Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”
A new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the older priest asks him to step ot of the confessional for a few suggestions. The older priest begins his conversation, “Now, cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like, ‘Yes, I see’; and ‘yes, go on’; and’ I understand’.” The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the older priest. The older priest responds, ” Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying, “No way, no crap…what happened next?”
This next one I received from an attorney friend of mine: “If you can’t find a lawyer who knows the law, find a lawyer who knows the judge!”
Now for some Health Tips: * If you put a crouton on your sundae instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad. * Just remember…the handle on your recliner does NOT qualify as an exercise machine. * The healthiest part of a donut is the hole! Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there. * A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands!! Feeling better?
And while we are at the doctor’s office…A woman is being reprimanded by her physician because instead of loosing weight, she has gained 7 pounds since her last visit. Her response to her doctor, “Well, you see Doc, I have metal fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen. That’s why I’ve gained instead of lost weight!! And yes, I know you told me to start my exercise program very gradually. So I did!! Today on the way to this appointment with you, I drove by a store that sells sweat pants.” ( and no, I do not know this lady’s hair color!)
For you senior citizens, including myself…You know you are getting old when your best friend tells you he’s having an affair and you want to know if it’s catered. And when you get really old, your life will be broken down into segments: Sleeping, eating, watching TV and looking for the fricken remote control that you had just two minutes ago.
So, that’s it for today my friends. Do good deeds…clean up the park and your neighborhood, and “pay it forward”. Be Well…Aloha…a hui hou