By Shay Bintliff, MD

Good Day to all of you laughter-addicted folks out there. Sorry, but there is no Laughter Anonymous. HOWEVER, there is a pathetic situation in Washington.

A good friend of mine was telling me that he still has not received his first Social Security check. He did, however, receive a letter explaining why. The check was returned to Alabama by the post office. It said, “We must stop your payments because we do not have a correct address.” THAT letter was sent to his correct address! DUH!!! No wonder our government is in turmoil….OK, OK, let’s laugh (more)…

We’ve all heard about the extreme heat on the mainland. Well, it is so dry in Oklahoma that the Baptist are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodist are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Episcopalians are praying for the wine to turn back to water! Yep…IT’S HOT. My friend was visiting online with a buddy from Tucson and he said he had just killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen. OH YEA…HOT IT IS. My cousin from Dallas, Texas old me that her husband is giving their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. BUT…IN TULSA…Temp 109*…a man reports that he saw a fire hydrant bribing a dog!

Joe was a college student and taking a new course in Ornithology, the study of birds. He prided himself as a scholar, so the night before the biggest test of the semester, he spent all night studying so hard he had memorized the textbook. The morning of the test he entered the room and on the table at the front of the room were 10 stuffed birds. But, each bird had a sack covering it’s body with only the legs showing. The professor then announced that they were to look at the legs and identify each bird and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc. Joe looked at each and started to get angry. Finally he reached his boiling point, stood up, marched to the professor’s desk and threw his crumpled up exam paper on his desk. “What a ridiculous test” he exclaimed. “This is the biggest rip-off I have ever seen!” With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit door. The professor gained composure and responded, “Wait a minute, young man, what is your name?” Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, “You tell me, Prof…you tell me!”

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter -10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, otherwise they all would fall. They could not decide, until the woman spoke up. She said that she would voluntarily let go because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping…. OK, Ok I am in trouble for dat one…

An atheist was walking through the woods talking to himself…”What majestic trees…What powerful rivers..What beautiful animals.” As he walking along side the river he heard a rustling in the bushes, and turned to have a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could, but the bear got closer and closer. Finally the atheist tripped and fell to the ground. The bear was over him and raising his right paw to strike the man. ” Oh my God”, screamed the man. Time stopped…the bear froze..the forest was silent as a bright light shown upon the man and a voice came from the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years and now you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I now to count you as a believer?” The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian, but perhaps you could make the Bear a Christian!!” “Very well,” responded the voice. The light then went out, the sound of the forest resumed, and the bear dropped his paws. He then brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: ” Lord bless this food which I am about to receive from Thy bounty! AMEN!” and to close, my friends…

A man placed an ad in the classified: “Wife wanted!” The next day he received hundreds of e-mails. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine!” (Guess I’d best RUN now…)

Remember to burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion…TODAY is SPECIAL!! Be Well…Aloha…a hui hou.