Thursday, May 24th, 2012
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By Dr. Shay Bintliff, MD

OK folks…science has spoken and coffee is GOOD for you. I’ve been trying to tell you that caffeine is what vitamin C stands for, but nobody believed me. (It also stands for chocolate, cognac, cookies, etc.) However, the latest advice from the cardiologists is their new diet recommendation, “If it taste good, spit it out!” And after that one we need some laughter.

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the post office is?”

The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple blocks and turn to your right.”

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

The little boy replied with a chuckle, “Awww, come on. You don’t even know the way to the post office!”

The wife sat down on the sofa next to her husband who was flipping channels on the TV.

She asked him, “What’s on the TV?

He replied, “Dust!” … and then the fight started … but he should be out of the hospital in a week.

SHAMPOO ALERT! As a middle-aged woman was conditioning her hair in the shower, she took time to read the shampoo bottle. She was in shock! The shampoo she was using in the shower, that runs down her entire body said, “for extra volume and body.” Seriously, she thought, why had she not noticed this before? Now she understood why she had become so “full-figured”!

At that moment she swore from then on only to use “Dawn” dish soap. It says on the label, “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.” Yep, folks, it pays to read labels!

A Hilo girl was visiting her friend in Honokaa, who had acquired two new dogs. She asked her friend what their names were. The Honokaa girl responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other named Timex. Her friend, smothering laughter says, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“‘HELLLOOOOOO’ answers the dog owner … They are WATCH DOGS!”

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students.

“The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60, and the third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”

A male student inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of the older workers. After several minutes of such, one of the older workers had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won’t be able to wheel back!”

“You’re on, old man”, the young man replied. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, “All right, GET IN!” (don’t mess with us old folks!)

And a few for my golfing buddies before we close for the day.

* Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

* Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next three!

* The less skilled the player, the more likely he or she is to share their ideas about your swing.

* You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time. … one more?

* Sand is alive … It will swallow your golf balls!

The pastor of a local, small church got before his congregation on Sunday and announced to them, “Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets!”

Please remember, my friends … Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak! Be well … stay healthy … and do good deeds! Aloha … a hui hou …

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