No politics today … no humor can be found in what is happening these days. Maybe next week! So, back to medical joking …
Millie accompanied her husband, Robert, to the doctor’s office. After the doctor had given Robert the full check-up, he called Millie into his office alone. He said, “Robert is suffering from a serious disease brought on by extreme stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will die very soon. Now, each morning wake him gently with a big kiss and then hand him his coffee in bed. Fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times and cook him only his favorite meals. Make certain he relaxes after eating. Don’t burden him with chores, and don’t discuss your problems with him. Don’t argue with him even if it is critical to you. Give him a relaxing massage, and encourage him to watch all his favorite sport shows. After every delicious evening dinner do whatever it takes to satisfy his every whim. If you can do all this for the next six months, I think Robert will regain his health.” On the way home from the doctor’s office, Robert asked Millie, “So, what did the doctor tell you?” Millie responded, “He said you won’t make it!” (Awe, so bad!)
Two friends were talking one evening about therapy. One said to the other, “After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles!’”
We all have enjoyed Maxine’s humor, so here is some for today: “Here today, gone when I win the lottery!” … “Forgive me if I snap at you. I’m just myself today!” “Good morning! Now, there’s a definite contradiction in terms!” … “My idea of middle management is a girdle and an oversized sweater!” One more? … We can all identify with this one! “Sure I have my little hang-ups … usually with telemarketers!” … It’s time now for Little Johnny! …
Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks, “Well, what did you learn today?” He replies, “Not enough! They want me to come back tomorrow!”
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker’s son, Johnny, stared at he man sitting across from him. Little Johnny could hardly eat his food. The man tried to ignore him. He checked his tie, patted his hair in place, felt his face for food, but nothing stopped the staring. He tried everything, then finally asked him, “Why do you keep staring at me, Johnny?” By now, everyone at the table had noticed his behavior, and the table went quiet waiting for Johnny’s response. He said, “I just want to see how you drink like a fish!” Couple more?
The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there’s his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, “Can I stay here for a few days?” The man says, “Sure you can!” And he closes the door. Ouch!
Genetics time! What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skunk? A smell you’ll never forget!
Mike was excited because his local newspaper was hosting a pun contest. He stayed up all night carefully creating puns. He submitted them the next morning. When the results came back Mike checked to see if he won. But alas, no pun in ten did! Yes, I’ll now stop abusing your brains!
Have a wonderful week … Be kind … do good deeds and clean up da messes! Aloha … a hui hou.