We are now three days into the New Year … howze it going, my friends? This first one will start your day with glee … just follow the instructions correctly: #1. Open a new file in your PC, #2. Name it “My Housework,” #3. Send it to the recycle bin, #4. Empty the recycle bin, #5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?” #6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly! #7. Now, don’t you feel better and positive?
A few one-liners for da New Year … Q: Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? A: It was the pot calling the cattle back! … Older man to his new lady friend: “Yes, I’ve got OCD! Old, Cranky and Dangerous! … There are times when your greatest accomplishment will be just keeping your mouth shut. Ouch! … Momma bird and baby sitting on a high wire. Mother says to baby, “Well, just hold it until we find a parked car!
Now, one from my medical world … A patient said to her doctor one day, “Doc, why is it as we get older we get heavier?” The doctor, in a very compassionate way, replied, “You get heavier as you age because there is a lot more information in your head. You are not fat, but just really intelligent. But because your head can only hold so much, it starts spilling over and filling up the rest of you!” Yep, the patient seemed quite satisfied with that!
For all you “dog-lovers” … A woman took her dog to the pet parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost $50, she was in shock and said, “I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!” The groomer then replied, “That may be true, but then, you don’t bite, do you?”
How many weird Christmas gifts did you get? Here’s a good one … One day Dan asks his friend Bob, as they are having coffee at an outdoor cafe, what did you get for Christmas?” Bob says to Dan, “Oh, see that brand new red Ferrari parked over there?” Dan says, “Ooooh, wow!” Bob says, “Yea, I got the exact same exact color tie!”
A little late, but a favorite Christmas fact: Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf itself! … and one more … How to find inner peace? A shepherd is talking to a wise man and says, “I have traveled many miles to have you answer my question, O wise one!” The wise man responds, “I am honored, my son, now what is your question?” The shepherd replies, “How can I eliminate stress and frustration from my daily life? How can I achieve inner peace and tranquility?” The shepherd says, “The answer is simple, my son … sell your golf clubs!”
A very funny sign outside a service station in southern Texas: “Stop Trying To Make Everybody Happy! You’re Not Tequila!”
And to close, some very clever names found on fishing boats: Aboat Time! … Marlin Monroe! … Pier Pressure! … The Cod Father! … Dijabring A Beer Along! … Unsinkable II … Aqua-Holic … and my favorite: “She Got The House!”
Have a wonderful and productive 2017 … Be happy. Don’t Worry … Do good deeds! Aloha, a hui hou.