Queen’s MarketPlace, Waikoloa Beach Resort • 808-886-6286 Big island Oahu Maui DKRestaurants.com “America’s Best Sushi Bars” Travel & Leisure “Our Favorite Asian Restaurant Bon appétit Only the freshest of the fresh is good enough for us. Which is why we only use the best ingredients harvested locally from our oceans and farms. Call for reservations and dining specials. Open nightly 5:30pm - 10:00pm. Late Night Dining, Friday & Saturday 10:00pm - 12:00am. ZAMBECK CONSTRUCTION L I C E N S E D I N S U R E D Kitchens & Bathrooms Bay/Bow Windows Doors & Windows Carpentry, Electrical, Plumbing Repairs ...and MORE! WE OFFER: Quality Work Professional Service On Time Completion Local References 35+ Years Experience 808.217.0202 buildersNmore@gmail.com www.zambeck.com | BC-27223 | TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2016 17 Laughter erapy SHAY BINTLIFF, MD As I begin today’s column, I am reminded that in a couple of days we will begin the celebration of Passover. My mother’s best friend was a Jewish woman who always included our family in all of their events. More than anything, I remember all the festive feasts but I also remember Stella’s husband who was a real joke teller. So, in their memory I start with the following: A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandson playing at the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “Please God, save my only grandchild! I beg of you, bring him back!” en a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, as good as new. She looks up to heaven and says very loudly, “He had a hat!” Another favorite of my cousin who married a rabbi: Jews don’t recognize Jesus. Protestants don’t recognize the Pope. Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store! One more? Two women are sitting on a bench. A er a while the rst women says, “Oy!” e second women replies, “Oy!” e rst woman then says, “Alright, enough about the children!” A guy walks into a crowded bar in Honokaa and announces that he’s got a terri c Portagee joke to tell. But before he can start, the barkeeper says, “Hold it right there brah. I Portagee!” And the guy says, “Okay, I’ll tell it very, very slowly!” (Yep, so naughty. I’ll look under my hood before starting my car!) A man waits all day in tra c court for his case to be heard. At long last it’s his turn to stand before the judge but the judge only tells him that he will have to come back tomorrow, as court is being adjourned for the day. In exasperation, the man snaps, “What the heck for?!” e judge snaps back, “Twenty dollars for contempt of court!” e man pulls out his wallet. e judge says, “You don’t have to pay today.” e man says, “I’m just checking to see if I have enough for two more words!” Now for an almost naughty one … An 80-year-old woman bursts into the men’s day room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched st in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what I have in my hand can have a ‘sleep-over’ night with me!” An old man in the back of the room shouts, “An elephant!” e woman pauses and says, “Close enough!” On the rear of a large Allegro wine truck was a sign that read: “In case of an accident, bring cheese and crackers … Lots of cheese and crackers!” … One more da kine vino? People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. e glass is re- llable! … Caught you on dat one! An ex-friend and I were talking one day over co ee and she said, “I just have to avoid things that make me fat!” I said, with a smirk, “OK, avoid scales, mirrors and photographs!” … and that’s why she is my ex-friend! OK, folks … be well …. gather wealth … and keep it! Aloha…a hui hou.
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